WHAT I SPEND MONEY ON

One reason of people being happy is MONEY.

Money is everywhere but NOT everyone has it.

My personal blog for the mean time will be about "How I spend my money?"

I usually get my allowance every Sunday afternoon after attending mass in our place.

Having been currently on my last year in college, it's not that easy to budget because I am quite a SHOPAHOLIC.

Not only that, I am also fond of eating almost anything that captures my taste buds.. =)

It might not be obvious as my friends will say, I'm petite, but I do eat a lot to the point that I almost lost all my money.

My daily allowance is P150.00.

You may say that it is more than enough because I am renting an apartment near the university where I am enrolled.

Somebody may want to ask: "What's the need of having P150.00 if there is nothing so much to pay for?"

Here my story will start, I am not the typical student who spends money on transportation and food alone.

A lot of people were telling me, "Why don't you just walk?"

My answer would be, "I will not exchange my safety for just a P10.00 bill for transportation."

See how I make palusot?

But honestly, It's true.

Nowadays, it is not safe for us, ladies, to walk alone in the street so what is there to be thrifty about if it is yourself who will be saved from possible danger.

Next is my eating habit, I do not just eat three times a day.

I do eat more than six times (depende sa mood).

They usually say, "Hey Thea, what's your secret? You almost eat anything and yet you still managed to have a slim figure."

I really don't know what's in me but my metabolism seems to work really fast which is an envy of many.

During lunch time, I usually spend P80.00 for one meal, one soda, a bottle of water and a dessert plus candies.

I really don't have an idea why food loves me really much but I will not in any way going to hate eating.

It is my FIRST LOVE. <3

This is my very first blog and I hope that on the following blogs you will still find time reading it.

I have lots to share about this topic which I personally chose.

Thanks for reading.. ^.^

"The way to a ma's heart is through his stomach."

-FANNY FERN-

Second Thoughts

The WHAT IF- thinking before you do. And the WHAT IF-thinking after the action. Still in both situation we ask, WHAT IF?

I guess everyone experiencing having seconds thoughts in mind. Sometimes we don't realize we're having it. But we're actually experiencing it in our every day routine. By the time you wake up in the morning. You will ask yourself:

"Am I going to school/work, what if not?"

"Am I gonna get up and start my day or just be lazy all day?"

"What am I gonna have for breakfast?"

"What should I wear?"

Second thought? Yes. Because we've got a lot of choices, obviously. You can either choose to have bacon or a scrambled egg in your breakfast. Or just skip it and sleep again. But if you choose to do the latter, then you'll be wasting your time, unless you badly need it due to lack of sleep. You can choose a red shirt over a white blouse. You can choose any, because we all have the privilege to do so. But does it mean, any we choose is good for us? Maybe yes. Maybe no. If you choose bacon over scrambled egg, what would you feel? Anyhow both of them are food. You will be satisfied but probably not as much over the other vice versa. Because, probably one of those is much satisfying for you based on your taste and wants.

Many of us get bothered of these second thoughts, "WHAT IF?" For some reason, even we don't want it to feel, we still do. Ridiculous! And I really hate it when it happens. When I'm buying clothes, bags or anything, I surely have this brood mind. "What should I buy?" "What if buy this or this?

When my friends and I don't have place to go, we have this brood mind again. "Where should we go, Mcdo or Jollibee?"(right? like we always say)

It simply shows, that we think these second thoughts first before we act upon it. We think, feel, decide and then you do. We always ask ourselves, WHAT IF?

I can say second thought is like doubts in ourselves. We get to doubt something before we buy or eat it. We get to doubt someone before we trust him/her. We get to doubt the question before we answer yes or no. We think. But not as always. Sometimes we get away by our feelings or emotions.

When you're mad, do you think what to say, feel and do? NO! because we're carried away. Then you lose control. Say foul words. And much to that we feel such hatred wherein we punish ourselves in return.

When you're in love, do you get to think? Yes. But most of the time, NO! We get to come with the waves of our emotions and feelings. We forget to ask, WHAT IF?

I have this professor, that I love so much! She is good, actually very good! She always gives us words of wisdom. And most of it, is very applicable to me.

"You will always have second thoughts, Aynah...", she quoted.

Yes. She's right. I do have second thoughts.

What IF, I never went addicted to alcohols and gimiks?

What IF, I never let go of him? Will I get to love Gerard?

What IF, I control my temper? Can we have better understanding and mend our differences?

What IF, I'm on his shoes? Do I feel same shame he felt over?

What IF, I just listen first?

What IF, I did not get pregnant? And instead have this dream life and career.

"What if, we do it the other way around?"

"Are we gonna end up differently and better?"

What IF?

When we fall into a wrong decision, we tend to regret. Of course! It's already a life formula. When its done, then we evaluate our wrong doings, and then, regret. But that doesn't mean, you can never be right again. The what-if-second thought will always be a ghost in our minds. You can never take it away. One way or another, they will dwell in our minds and feelings. What important is, when you do right, be proud. And when you do wrong, stand for it. Though sometimes its hard and painful, well its part of the consequences. And then, try to make better choices next time. No one is perfect, anyway. Mistakes and wrong decisions are part of our lives. It's you! It's us who will be deciding and making our own life history. Who give a damn to what you do?! Its your life make the most out of it.

What if you've done it? Who cares! Just do BETTER next time. HAHA!

Super Crush Superman Kimpoy :))

Ngayon palang mag papaumanhin na po ako dahil ang mga susunod po na mababasa niyo sa post na ito ay punong-puno ng pagma-mahal ko at ka-adikan ko kay kimpoy.  :))

Aaaaahhhhhhh!!! Kimpoy!!!! Superman! Baby!! Loves! Mahal!

* ay! sorry sorry! kinikilig lang po akooo!!* haha. Kasi naman eee! lantod!*

Paolo Vivas Kimpoy Feliciano, siya! siya na nga! siya ang ultimate crush ngayon, at pinaka-peyborits kong Paolo sa buhay ko. Isa siyang simpleng tao na naka-tira sa Malolos, Bulacan with the height of 5'11, na nag-migrate sa Dunedin, New Zealand para doon ipag-patuloy ang studies niya. At ang pagkaka-alam ko, una siyang naging tumblr hearthrob bago maging bagong youtube sensation. At dahil yun sa video niyang "Hi Miss" na talaga namang tinangkilik ng maraming chikas all over the youtube, tumblr, twitter at ngayon sa padami ng padami niyang fans sa Facebook. Galing noh, superman! :)

Marami na siyang chikas na pina-kilig, dahil sa mga sobrang cheesy naman talagang niyang banat na feeling mo, eh para sayo talaga kasi kung maka-tingin sa cam tumatagos at wagas! At ngayon, isa na nga ako dun sa maraming chikas na nagma-mahal sakanya. Una kong nakita yung video niya sa facebook. Shinare yata ni baks*Jhayson* yung link sa friend niya tapos na-curious ako kung ano yun, tapos ang title pa nung video "Hi Miss" sabe ko,

"Hmm.. Ano kaya to at parang kinikilig pa si baks ah? pero infairness parang gwapo si kuya ah. click ko nga!"

Ayun cli-nick ko na nga yung link at umpisa pa lang nag-salita si kuya at sinabing, "Hi Miss?" jusko! may I stop na ako ng video at nag-hyperventilate nako sa kinaka-upuan ko! *haha!* para bang nag-skipped ng beat ang heart ng lola niyo. Ang ngiti ko nun abo't tenga talaga nag-tataka nga yun kapatid ko eh kala niya naluluka na sisterette niya, siguro naka dagdag plus pogi points yung manly niyang boses at cute na face *oops! at ceramic braces* kaya kilig talaga. At isama mo pa yung makapal niyang kilay na love na love ko. Kung ire-rate nga lang siya, 9 out of 10 ang ibibigay ko. Bakit kamu 9? eh kasi hindi ko pa siya nakaka-daupang palad, let's see kung mas mamahalin ko pa siya pag-uwi niya dito at nakita ko siya in person. *haha!* Tapos ito,ewan ko ba! parang naalala ko sakanya yung isang crush kong si itago nalang natin sa pangalang Obet *hehe!* pero hindi naman sila magka-mukha. Siguro dun sa kaka-ibang sweet aura na taglay niya, parehas sila.

At ayun na nga, play ulit ako at ang unang banat niya sabe ni Mahal,

"Hi Miss, taga-FEU ka ba? sabi kasi ng puso ko tama-raw na ikaw ang mahal ko"

Tapos biglang smile! *killer smile!* sa loob-loob ko I was like, waaah!!! ay nako kuya! kahit taga-b.u ako, lilipat ako sa feu para lang sa sayo! *masyado!* tapos naka-ilang banat pa siya at wala na, naramdaman ko mahal ko na talaga siya. Anong gayuma't anting-anting ba ang meron siya? Nakuha ko sa mga ngiti at banat niyang banat na banat! havey kung havey pa! Pero ito, ang pinaka-peyborit kong banat nya dun na talaga namang nakuha kong hindi huminga ng 5 seconds! *oha!* eto habang naka-titig sa cam sabe,

"Miss, galing mo din nuh? hindi mo pa ko bina-bato, tinamaan na ko sayo". *tapos sabay kagat-labi! aahh!!*

Eto pa with matching serious face ansabe,

 "Miss, hindi ka ba nasasaktan? saksakan ka kasi ng ganda eh." *feeling naman ako! haha.*

Oh diba! Ansaabee! hindi ko alam kung ilang beses ko na napa-nuod yung video niya pero kini-kilig parin ako. Walang sawa! At halos lahat na nga yata ng account sa Fb ni kimpoy in-add ko na sa sobrang ka-adikan ko. Eh kasi naman! bakit ba kasi ganun siya? naka-kainis ang powers niya pa-kiligin mga madlang girls na tulad ko. Eh kung ganon ba naman makaka-sama mo everyday, why not?choc-nut! *haha!* Ipagpa-palit ko yaman ko, para lang kay Kimpoy! Parang siyang bagyo, lakas ng dating. :D

Bipolar Fam?!

Minsan mas gusto ko pa na nasa labas o kaya nasa  kwarto nalang ako kesa nasa bahay ako. Alam mo kung bakit? paano kasi kapag nasa bahay ako, sumasakit ang ulo ko sa ingay nila MAMA, ni PAPA, ng mga KAPATID ko, tapos nag-sasabay pa sa kalikutan ang dalawang PAMANGKIN ko. Napapagod ang katawang lupa ko na dapat hindi naman dahil wala naman ako ginagawa sa bahay. Para kameng pamilyang puro bipolar! ang mood swings namin mag-anak iba! na kahit ako nga e naloloka din. Tawanan ng tawanan mamaya mag-aayaw, maya tawa nanaman, tapos bait-baitan epek, tapos mamaya sisigaw naman. Anu ba yun?! Kaya nga siguro ganito ko kasi ganun din sila sa bahay. *haha!*

Si Mama at si Papa, masasabi kong mabait naman sila. Pero grabe yun dalawa na yun bipolar siguro yun. Parang hindi matatapos ang araw na walang away, yung isa ayaw papa-talo, yung isa naman pilosopo. Kadalasan pinag-aawayan nila yung kita ng trak namin. Paano naman kasi itong si fathership kung maka-pamigay ng anda wagas! kala mo wala na kaming kaylangan bayaran na iba. Tapos ito namang si mothership ma-boka syempre pinagsa-sabihan si papa, eh yung isa naman pilosopo tasyong tunay kaya si mama lalong umiinit ang ulo, gagawin niya uulit-ulitin niya yung sinasabi nya hanggang sa mainis din yung isa. Tapos maya ok na sila ulit, asahan mo mga ilang minuto lang or hours mag-kasama nanaman sila, aalis nanaman yun tapos pag-balik kung anu-anong dala. Kaya nga minsan hina-hayaan ko nalang sila pag-ganun kase sumasakit ulo't tenga ko.

Si ate naman, kahit wala siya dito at nasa Japan siya hindi parin nagpa-pahuli. Pag nag-skype siya ang lagi niya lang kausap si janelle yung pamangkin ko, kung anu-ano pinag-uusapan nila na wala naman kwenta yung iba kase bata nga. Tapos minsan, ipapa-tawag niya si papa, pag-lumapit naman sa cam wala naman pala sasabihin. Minsan ang sungit din nun, may itatanong kalang sakanya, maga-galit na siya tapos sasabihin niya "ayoko ng tinatanung ako." *kadalasan ganun din ako kasi ayoko din ng tinatanung ako e, ewan ko ba! bipolar nga kse* Pero syempre mabait yun, ksi lagi niya inaalala sila papa, ska sila janelle tapos binibili niya ko ng mga gusto ko. *yun yon!haha!*

Ang kapatid ko naman, isa ding sira-ulo. Isipin mo mas nauuna pa bumagon anak niya kesa sakanya, pag papasok sa school si janelle mauna pa siya gumayak tapos si mothership ang magbibihis kay bagets. Anu ba yun?! *estudyante din?*

Hilig niya papa-iyakin yun anak niyang si jay-jay tapos pag-umiyak tuwang-tuwa naman siya patahanin. Ang cute daw kasi umiyak ng baby, luka talaga. Nakiki-sabay din sakin yan sa ka-adikan ko sa Kpop, kung makapag-spazz sa kpop artist ganun-ganun nalang! parang dalagang tulad ko. At eto pa, wag ka! at nag-member pa ang lola sa isang fansclub. *na actually member din ako dun. haha!

At ito juice-me naman, nung bakasyon tumanda ata ako ng 5years at nagkaroon ako ng sungay kaka-bawal at kaka-sigaw sa dalawa kong pamangkin. Kung maki-kita niyo ko sa bahay para kong sirang plaka, lagi ko nga line dun..

"Ano ba?! hindi ba kayo titigil?! kanina pa binabawalan diba?! iligpit mo yang kalat mo sabe eh!!"

"Sabi ko tama diba?..bakit ayaw tumigil?..hindi ba ko nai-intindihan?

Sungit kong tita nuh? sorry sila *evil laugh*. 

Si jay-jay kasi kahit 2years old palang ang kulit-kulit na, lagi niyang kina-kalat mga laruan nila, ako naman wala magagawa kaya pulot sige! *papa-galitan kase ko ni mama* pero yun kahit papano nasasaway ko pa. Kahit awayain ko yun, konting pa-cute bumigay nadin ako. Saka ang lambing kasi nung batang yun. Kaya minsan pag napapa-iyak ko utuin ko lang ng konti okay na kame, bati na ulit.

At si janelle, grabe hindi talaga kame mag-kasundo nung bagets nayun! Kapag nagka-lapit kame isa samen uma-aray. Hindi ko talaga kina-kaya kamalditahan niya, magaling din siya umaarte bubuwisitan ka tas mauna pa iiyak. Mortal enemy kame nun, minsan nga sa sobrang kulit niya parang gusto ko na siya itapon sa labas *haha!* pero huwag ka 4 years old palang siya. Manang-mana nga daw sakin sa ka-malditahan sabi ng kapatid ko, sabi ko naman e kaya siguro di kame magka-sundo.

Pero kahit bipolar sila * kame pala* proud akong family ko sila, kaya naman loves na loves ko sila. Kahit na pinapa-sakit nila katawang lupa ko at naririndi na tenga ko kaka-sigaw ng mga pamangkin ko loves ko parin sila. Kahit na tumanda ako ilang years kaka-bawal at kaka-pakinig sa mga nobela ni mama, at mga walang sawang awayan nila ni papa eh loves na loves ko parin sila. Kahit na madalas ay maingay sa bahay, masaya naman kame at lagi kaming magka-kasama. Hindi ko sila pag-papalit kahit kanino kasi loves ko sila, kahit na nga bipolar yun mga yun.  :))

OHMAYGAWD!

July 24, 2011. 1:30 am. Ako nalang ang gising sa bahay at habang naka-upo ako sa harap ng computer gumagawa ng blog at nagyu-youtube, nagtaka ako at napa-hawak sa aking dibdib ng biglang umalog yung computer sa harap ko. Sabi ko sa sarili ko,

Aya! Ano yun? may tumulak ba nung computer? Hala!

Hindi ako maka pag-salita kasi madaling araw na, bigla na akong kinabahan. Hindi ko alam ang nagyayari tumayo ako at pumunta sa kwarto tiningnan ko ang mga kasama ko sa bahay pero mahimbing naman ang mga tulog nila. Tumingin ako sa paligid nakita kong gumagalaw yung mga gamit, bigla kong naisip..

"OHMAYGAWD! Lumilindol pala!"

Naka-kaloka! Akala ko minu-multo na ko kasi naman anong oras na gising pa ko, yun pala lumilindol na.  First time ko naka experience nun, at ayoko na maulit yun. May kalakasan siya at medyo nahilo talaga ko, nag-panic din ako kasi hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko, kung gigisingin ko ba sila o hindi.

Tuwing lilindol dati, its either tulog ako or nasa byahe ako kaya hindi ko talaga siya nararamdaman. Sina-sabi nalang sakin ni Mama kina-umagahan na lumindol pala sabi ko nga,

"Sayang naman hindi ko manlang naramdaman, Wala akong kamalay-malay lumindol na pala. ano kaya feeling nun?"

At ayun na nga! na-feel ko na siya, hindi pala siya masaya. Natakot ako sa totoo lang at sana LORD! huwag na maulit. Saka naisip ko yung mga nangyaring lindol noong mga nakakaraan kaya kinabahan talaga ko. Sabi sa news magnitude 5.1 daw yung lakas nung lindol nung gabi na yun, pasalamat nalang ako dahil hindi siya nag-tagal.

Hindi ba, kaya daw nagkakaroon ng lindol dahil may gumagalaw na tectonic plates sa ilalim ng lupa? O kaya kung may malapit na bulkan sa lugar niyo eh malamang may tendency sumabog? Saka hindi natin alam kung kailan ito mangyayari o saan mangyayari kaya dapat lagi tayong handa at alerto kung sakali mang maulit pa ulit ito.

Sino ang dehado?

Babala: Sensitive ang mga pictures. Based ito sa actual na nangyari.

Hulyo 18, Lunes, Gabi.

Kumain kami mga bandang 6:30 ng gabi. Pagkatapos ay nag-hugas ako ng mga pinagkainan at nag-after clean ng lahat. Nang ako ay tumungo sa banyo, nakita ko ang isang maliit na daga o yung tinatawag na bubwit. Sumigaw kaagad ako,

"Syet!, may dagaaaaaaaaa!!!"

Natakot ako ngunit para bang natakot din siya at siniksik niya ang kanyang sarili sa isang sulok at hindi gumagalaw. Tinawag ko ang bunso sa amin at pinakuha ko agad-agad ang alaga niyang pusa (puti at may asul na mga mata). Ganoon ako ka desperada na mawala iyon at mapatay na (ayoko talaga ng daga sa bahay o kahit anong pesteng creatures, sino ba hindi db?).

Ngunit ang pusa ay tila bagang ayaw magpakita at nawawala. Kung kailan kailangan siya saka naman wala. (Bwiset yon', pag kakain kami lagi na lang biglang susulpot, minsan pa nga ay magugulat ka talaga sa kanya.)

Sigaw pa din ako ng sigaw, "Hanapin niyo, dali..." Di kasi gumagalaw yun daga. Mainam kako at madali siya mahuhuli. Dumating na ang kapatid ko dala ang pusa. Hinagis niya kung nasaan ang daga. Ngunit medyo "stupid" yun pusa, at di niya napansin. Hanggang sa pinagdildilan na ng kapatid ko. Finally, nakita at kinagat kagad niya yun nakakainis na bubwit. Lumabas ang pusa patungo sa sala, bitbit sa kanyang bibig ang bubwit. Kanya-kanya kami ng reaksyon. Ang pinsan ko na may ginagawa sa may laptop ay biglang napahinto. Ganoon din ang kapatid ko na si Carina, na nagrereview. Ako at si bunso ay sumunod sa sala at pinagkatuwaan namin lahat ang eksena nung pusa at daga. Tuwang-tuwa kami na nanunuod. At naisipan pa namin na kunan ng litrato. Nakakapagtaka lang kung ano ang tumatakbo sa isip nung pusa. Bakit kasi ayaw pa niya kainin at talagang pinaglalaruan pa niya ang bubwit. Hahayaan niya na maglakad si bubwit, pagkatapos ay bigla niyang susunggaban. Aakto pa ang pusa na dahan-dahan naglalakad, na may matang lumiliksi na nakatanaw sa daga at biglang susunggaban. May pagkakataong pa na parang i-eat bulaga niya ang bubwit. Nakakatawa. Kada galaw niya sa bubwit ay kinukunan namin ng picture (tamang trip lang).

Bulaga!

Kawawang BUBWIT

Maya-maya ay napansin namin na hindi na gumagalaw ang kawawang bubwit. Pag tinitigan mo pa nga ay mapapansin mo na hinihingal na siya at tila ba malalagutan na siya ng hininga, mamamatay na. Pero patuloy pa din ang pusa. Nung nagsawa na siya ay ginamit na niya ang kanyang matatalim na ngipin, kinagat, nginuya, kinain, nilunok. Wala na ang bubwit. Wala na rin ang tawanan. Bigla na kami nandiri. Nang aming i-preview ang mga pictures, naawa kami sa bubwit. Aming pang ini-zoom ang mga larawan at nakita namin ang lupaypay niyang katawan. Kita ko na para bang gusto niya kumawala pero wala siyang laban.

Naalala niyo ba ang TOM and JERRY series? Isang cartoon show na talagang na hook ang lahat. Ito ay cartoon cat at mouse duo. Dito kasi ay pinagtatawanan natin ang pusa, si Tom dahil sa lagi siyang naiisahan ng maliit ngunit matalinong daga, si Jerry. Kahit anong patibong pa ang kanyang gawin, ay laging nakakaalpas si Jerry. Minsan pa nga ay nababaliktad ni Jerry ang sitwasyon. Sa huli, si Tom ang nabibiktima ng sarili niyang patibong. Ngunit sa realidad pala hindi ganito ang nangyayari. Kagaya nun kay pusa at bubwit. Wala kasing writer na gagawa ng storyboard. Oo, may actors pa din sina pusa at daga lamang. Tayo o kami naman yun naging viewers. In reality kasi, ang mas malakas at malaki ang nagwawagi. Kaya si bubwit ay talo. Kumbaga walang matalino sa pagkakataong ito. Kasi kung may maisip man na paraan ang bubwit, kahit ano pa man yun. Wala pa din iyon silbi o laban sa mga kamay ng pusa. Dahil ang advantage sa eksena na ito, ay nasa pusa, na malaki, may tikas, lakas at bilis. Kaya dehado ang kawawang bubwit. Bigla tuloy pumasok sa isip ko na ganoon din pala ang eksena sa buhay ng mga tao sa lipunan, hindi ba? Sa environment na meron tayo, ang may kapangyarihan at mga mayayaman ang siyang nagwawagi, nananaig, sila ang pusa ng ating lipunan. Ang mga mahihirap, salat sa materyal na bagay at pangangailangan, mga kapos sa edukasyon at kalinangan, sila ang daga ng lipunan. Mga walang laban. Kahit saang aspeto kasi ng lipunan ang mga daga ay parang saling pusa lamang. Mga taga-sunod ng mga pusa. Kagaya ng sa pulitika, ang mga mayayamang pusa ay gagawin ang lahat, papatay ng kanyang kapwa pusa o pasusunurin ang mga daga para lang makuha ang inaasam na posisyon. Paglalaruan ang mga daga pag wala ng kapakinabangan ay saka na sila gagamit ng matatalim na ngipin, kakagatin, ngunguyain, kakainin, lulunukin, papatayin. Kagaya nun ginawa ng pusa sa bubwit pagkatapos paglaruan ay kakainin din pala. Kawawang bubwit.

an unusual day!

Saturday, supposed to be a day wherein I could wake up late and enjoy the comforts of our bed shared with hubby.. but since I chose to teach, it is necessary that I wake up early and study ahead of my class.. so as early as 4 in the morning I got up and started reading, then I heard noises from outside, engrossed as I am in what I'm reading, I opted to ignore it..

Then, all of a sudden while the sun is about to greet me good morning, I heard someone from outside moaning and crying, curiosity forced me to put down my book and check what is it all about.. To my indignation, I was told that a neighbor of ours committed suicide.. Whew! it is not everyday that you get to know someone who would want to free himself from all the troubles here on earth.. So to make the long story short, I was left with no choice but to stop what I'm doing and since taking a nap before going to school is an exercise in futility, I went outside and join the group gossiping about what happened .. Don't get me wrong, it is just to satisfy my curiosity why I went out and nothing more.. But to my dismay, time is of the essence and I need to leave the group.. bitin!

After a day in school, I went home and it's has been a long & tiring day. While browsing the net, I read about what happened in Norway, and I felt goosebumps on my skin, then I realized how lucky we are to be free from all these things.. I empathize with the victim's family, our neighbor and those in Norway.. How tragic it must be for them to realize what happened..

When I Feel Frustrated

Sometimes, things just don't go the way we want them to . You want this and that, but you cant have them. And then you will feel unhappy and disappointed. Frustrated.You exert so much effort for something and then you were rejected. You expect something will happen after a very bad incident but there's nothing. And then you'll feel unhappy and disappointed. Frustrated. When can you say you are frustrated? When should you feel it? How would you feel it? What makes you feel it?

Frustration is a common emotional response to opposition. It is related to anger and disappointment, it arises from the perceived resistance to the fulfillment of individual will. Frustration can arise form internal and external. In people, internal frustration may arise from challenges in fulfilling personal goals and desires, instinctual drives and needs,

or dealing with perceived deficiencies, such as a lack of confidence or fear of social situations. Conflict can also be an internal source of frustration; when one has competing goals that interfere with one another, it can create cognitive dissonance. External causes of frustration involve conditions outside an individual, such as a blocked road or a difficult task. Frustration can be considered a problem–response behavior, and can have a number of effects, depending on the mental health of the individual. Every human being experiences frustration...it is actually a motivator to change and growth.

It is HOW we handle our frustration that is important, for if we are unable to constructively cope and deal with a life long series of obstacles in our life our goals will go unmet permanently. It is important for humans to understand that without discomfort we would never be motivated to change. If something becomes stagnant it dies. Frustration is uncomfortable; therefore, we are forced to change and adapt which is the reason homo sapien did not become extinct but survived and thrived.

There are lot of things people do when they feel frustrated. Me? I will just simply shut my mouth off and then take a deep breath so I can burst it all out. For me, frustration is a combination of stress and pissed off. I always get disappointed whenever something I expected did not work. It's not that I have the highest expectations on everything, I just want something better.

I feel frustrated when I'am..

• Dumped. And that was so terrible I could hardly sleep. I never really want to be dumped since I first realized what world was all about.
• Failed. I failed so many times in my life. I failed to treasure a friend who passed away. Failed an exam. Failed to say thank you. Failed to say goodbye. Too many to mention..
• Lost. It's not about when you lost something.. It's something about what I feel when I think I'am lost. Nowhere to go.. to run.. to talk to and to cry on..
• Broken. Simply broken..
• Left alone with no choice. Yes, it's true because in a 1000 chances of choosing, I only had a 100 chance of choosing by myself. And it was hard. It was terribly hard for me.

where are your works?

hello class.. i get to read only three blogs? you are suppose to update it now for our discussion tomorrow.. God bless

Letting GO's

I experienced "Letting Go" so many times. By the day I was born I did let go. I lived in my Mama's tummy for like nine months. Imagine by February 20 I learned to let go and left her tummy. It wasn't a difficult one. Actually this was probably the best let go I did. I made my parents smile and as much as the entire clan. I enjoyed everyone's eye and attention at me, until my sister also let go on our Mama's womb. I was so happy to have her as a sister and a playmate. Not for a long while, we grew up and learned to be mortal enemies as well. What was mine, should be hers too. If I wear this, she should wears same as mine. If I eat something, she should have it too. I got so jealous, I believed there are certain things that should only be mine. But, my sister didn't agree to this. Instead, she'll cry to death until she would be like "kawawa" (pitiful) one. So my parents would say:

"Hayaan mo na yan, Ate ka naman.. Pahiram muna..." ("Let her.. your the Eldest sister.. Let her have it for a while")

There I gave my doll that my Ninong (godfather) gave me. I let go on my doll. That was the first hurtful let go. But that didn't last. Because like other kids, my attention easily captured by other things or toys. Same thing happened when my little brother arrived in the family. He was so cute and adorable. Everyone loved him specially our parents, the mere fact that he was their first son and they probably got fed up on us (having two girls). I got so jealous wherein I did crazy things just to get their attention. Where I ended up being scolded. But what can I do? I was craving for love and attention that my brother had been enjoying. Soon I learned he is my brother, nothing to worry for our parents surely love us fair and square. I ended up, letting go of this natural envious resentment to my siblings. I liked the taste of this let go, for this welcome happiness, peace of mind and indeed a contentment on my part.

As when school started, I was not like other kids who used to be pampered at school by their parents. I saw parents outside our classroom and for me it's so annoying! And then some of my classmates will cry if they're parents leave them. Well, I'm not like them. I loved to go to school carrying may fancy bag, wearing my head band on my wavy hair, and wearing my huge smile dedicated to my first ultimate crush. Further, it was actually him that gave me reason of loving school, my pre-elem and elementary days. He's my dream boyfriend to be, what a puppy love wasn't it? Well, his name is Allan Castro. I can still remember that whenever we got free time, we used to play the game "My Favorite Fruit..." (a game where 2 or more persons will hold their hands and clap a hand to the other hand while we sing the song.. My favorite fruit is Adam fruit...Anong pangalan ng first love mo?) Of course, I was shy to tell who was he, for I knew they will just going to tease me. And if Allan would know my little puppy love secret on him, he might stay away from me. And that would be awkward! But one day he confronted me. Some of my closest friends spilled out some clues about me liking him. I went so shy. I just can't looked at him. "Ha? Bakit naman?" (Why would I?), I denied. Until every single day he would just forced me to confirm the rumors that has been spreading in our grade-III class. I don't know if I was so obvious that I was lying or it's just my lovable trustful friends kept on betraying secrets of ours. Eventually I was forced. I came to realize I have to let go of my shyness and tell him everything before it gets too late. (the heck! Am I really matured at that time and age to think of saying my feelings with such braveness?) I did. I told him even though I don't know what would be his reaction even his response, nothing at all. And I was surprised, he even likes me too! :) I knew it! He have also a crush on me. lol What a sweet let go, anyway!

It didn't last long. He transferred to a different school when we where at fifth grade. And I focused much on my academic and extra-curricular activities at school. I did well at school I was always at the top 3. My teacher kept on trying me out in every activities and competition. I sang with the group. I danced (which I really like). And I joined in declamations and quiz bees. And I was not always a winner. As I lose in every contest. I let go. My mother taught me to accept defeat. Though sometimes I blamed myself for not studying much, for not memorizing my piece so well, for being in the contest not so ready unlike my opponents were. But still, there was happiness for I knew my parents were still there cheering me up. And we will just go to jollibee to celebrate my "pagkatalo" (defeat). This let go is equal to a Jollibe meal! :P

High school was almost done, when I got the opportunity to be an exchange student to the United States of America. At first I was so excited for this was my dream and much as my parents' dream. But this privilege has to sacrifice a lot of things on my part which made me doubt to pursue my american dream. It would be my first time to be far away from my friends, family and from what I used to do. I thought that time "this would be a total change like a major change in my life!"

I was almost quitting but thank God that I realized that if I would not grab this I would missed half of my life! I figured out I have to go out of my comfort zone. I have to let go of my own box or else I will be stock on my box of fears and doubts. There you go! I pursued my american dream. The let-go-my-box made me a lot of who I am now. I become more independent, gained knowledge, self-confidence, experience, unforgettable moments, breath taking first times and above all were bunch of friends that I'm treasuring up to now. This is probably the unforgettable let go. The turning point of my life.

As I went back to my home country, I asked myself: "Am I going back with my old lifestyle? A study hard person?" I got fed up of studying over and over again. I'd spent my entire life being pressured at school and always be on top. So when I got up to college, I decided to let go of my image. And because of let-go-image, I'd easily lured by the B.I.'s (bad influence) I let go of my academic stuff and prioritized my barkada and gimiks. I did cutting classes. Joined my friends at any inuman (drinking) session. This let go put me to bad side of the world. It was one whole semester when I was so not to studying. As second semester came along, I got to know this person who changed my life 360 degrees! Soon I'd learned to love him and had this serious turned to freaky relationship. I quited smoking, drinking, and gimiks. But to this puts me again to my box. However, this was different. He took me away from my wants, dreams and friends. He was so obsessed and possessive during in our growing relationship. He prisoned me to his own life-box. My big social world become a tiny one. My friends kept on saying, "You have to quit, it's going no where..." But I was so in love which made me like a blind. That's probably the reason why "Love is BLIND," saying exists. After four months of "away-bati" scenes, our relationship ended with such bitterness. I can't believe he left me with no valid reason. He just said, "Move on." Despite of leaving me behind, I still loved him. And at that time I can't let go. I gave everything he asked for, and I was even ready to give him a lot more. But I can't believe he turned everything to trash. He kept on going back after few months but each attempt was meant to be a joke. It hurts. I've learn to LET GO how many times, why I can't this time?

“We can never turn back the pages of time, though we may wish to relive a happy moment, or say goodbye just one last time, we never can, because the sands of time continue to fall, and we can’t turn the hourglass over. It's time to let go. It will be okay...”

Everything sums up to the art of LETTING GO. And I think it will always be part of our daily lives. No matter what, we have to let go of the other. We have to choose. I believe that life is a matter of choice. How you live is how you decide. And we all have to know the art of letting go and accept what has meant us to happen. When one door closes another door opens. It probably took me forever to forget and let go of him. But this is God's plan. At the right time and right moment I saw my Mr. RIGHT MAN. And I know for sure I was meant for HIM! :)

I Want To Brag A Minute:Friends

For my first post on this blog, I will talk about my beloved friends. I want to brag about how cool and fun they are to be with. For me, they're not the typical friends that you can ever had because each of them has their own unique personalities.

  Dora*my lalabs* the smart kid! Sometimes she doesn't even need to study to pass her exams but if you would saw her you wouldn't think that she's like that.

  Second one's Chaddy who's like a clown and he is the mood maker of the group, he's always loud and goofy.

 The third is Inna*my beybs* she's a sophisticated/sweet girl that loves to smile but don't you dare make her mad because you will not definitely going to like it.

Fourth on the list is Miyo she has this bold*strong* attitude with her, in the sense that if someone was bothering her friend she would also get pissed with that person.

The fifth on the list is Rem he's like, how would I say this? some says he/she is a sweet guy probably because of his smile and gestures, but to me he's like a punching bag. I always bother him and we bicker a lot too but I love him, I really do. :)

Then next one is Melv'z, he's kind the point that he's like the maid of the group because we always ask him to do this and that, get this and that, at first he'll say he's not going to do it but at the end he would.

The last but not least Thea she's like the Ms.congeniality, she greets people very well and can get close to other people easily.

We have different personalities but somehow we connect to each other and that connection brought us together to be best of friends. Every time that we are together we are just like just bunch of crazy kids, always laughing, teasing and making fun of each other. Even if you locked us in a room for a day we could definitely can survive it, be sure to give lots of foods because we really love to eat and its our past time actually. But like any other groups, if there are good times there are bad times, sometimes we would have arguments and misunderstandings but we make sure that we would overtake it the end of the day. And I think that misunderstandings can help us be more mature and be strong as a group. So I really treasure them so much I want them to know that I'm very proud to say that they are my FRIENDS.

Someboy Has To Say It: Hanggang Kailan?

     Dumaan na ang ilang araw na naging buwan, ilang taon na rin ang lumipas sa akin mula ng pumasok ako sa Unibersidad na pinapasukan ko ngayon. Ilang mga kamag-aral na rin ang nakilala ko at madami sa kanila ay naging bahagi na ng aking buhay na masasabi kong nakatulong naman sa akin. 

     Maraming araw at linggo ang ginugol ko at ilang daang ulit na rin marahil akong nagpapabalik-balik sa lugar na ito, kung minsa'y napapalingon pa ako sa loob ng simbahan upang pasimpleng sumilip sa loob nito. Marami na rin akong nasaksihang mga pangyayari habang bumabagtas ako sa harap ng simbahang ito.

      Kung minsa'y maraming tao habang nakahinto ang isang magarbong kotse na may kumpol ng bulaklak sa unahan habang bihis naman ng puting tela ang loob ng simbahan at may kumpol-kumpol na bulaklak sa altar habang nakatayo ang isang lalaking nakabarong na tila may hinihintay. Kung minsa'y mapapadaan kang malungkot ang lugar habang nakahinto ang isang karo at nababalot ng dalumhati ang paligid. Siksikan naman sa araw ng Linggo ang eksena at hindi magkamayaw ang mga tao sa paglalakad tuwing matatapos ang misa.

        Pero kung may mas nakahihigit pa sa aking karanasan sa pang araw-araw kong pagdaan sa lugar na iyon, marahil si Nanang na iyon. Sa inaraw-araw ng pagdaan ko sa lugar na iyon, madalas kong nakikita si Nanang sa iisang pwesto ng simbahan. Sa inaraw-araw ng paghakbang ko sa maliit na gate ng simbahan, sya lagi ang nakikita ko. At sa araw-araw kong paglalakad doon, hindi ko pa yata nakitang nakangiti si Nanang. Si Nanang na laging iniaabang ang kanyang kamay hawak ang isang lalagyan habang umaasang makahahati ng kahit baryang biyaya sa araw na iyon. 

        Aaminin kong nababaldahan ko minsan ang paghuhulog ng barya sa basyo ng "Slurpee"nya. Aaminin kong kung minsa'y hindi ko s'ya nabibigyan pero hindi ibig sabihin ay hindi ko sya napapansin, hindi pa naman ganoon kalabo ang aking mga mata upang makita kung ilang barya lamang ang nilalaman ng kanyang lalagyan tuwing mapapayuko ako sa tapat ng kanyang kinauupuan.

         Matagal na rin si Nanang sa lugar na iyon. Alam kong taon na ang ginugol nya pero hanggang kailan sya mamamalagi sa lugar na iyon? Kung minsa'y sumasagi sa isip ko ang kanyang kalagayan sa buhay, hindi na rin naman bata si Nanang para sa sitwasyon nya ngayon sa buhay. Wala naman akong magawa sa ganang akin lamang kung hindi maghulog ng kakaunting barya sa pag-asang makatulong manlang kahit sa kaunting halaga. Hindi ko man alam ang reaksyon nya sa aking pagtalikod, alam kong makatutulong iyon kahit papaano. Hindi ko malilimutan nung nadinig ko mula sa kanya ang salitang "Maraming Salamat Amang" pagkatapos kong maghulog ng kaunting halaga at makalagpas sa kanya. Sa maliit na halagang binitawan ko noong mga panahong iyon sa kanyang lalagyan, sobrang laking kasiyahan naman ang naramdaman ko noong sandaling iyon. Naiisip ko hindi ang tulong na nagawa ko kundi kung ano ang katayuan ko sa buhay sa mga oras na iyon, naisip ko kung gaano ako kapalad sa aking buhay na makakain ng tatlong beses sa isang araw at mabigyan ng baon araw-araw. Ang magkaroon ng maayos na tahanan at mabigyan ng pagkakataong makapag-aral. 

     Pero kung minsa'y may mga pagkakataong hindi mo ito makikita sa kanyang madalas na kinaroroonan. Sa ganitong panahon ko naiisip kung bakit wala si Nanang? Marahil ay may sakit o di kaya'y may nararamdaman sa kanyang katawan. Marahil ay hindi kayang bumangon sa kanyang higaan o di kaya'y walang lakas upang maglakad papunta sa simbahan. Maraming posibleng dahilan pero isa lamang ang aking natitiyak, hindi sya makakapamahagi ng kagalakan sa iba sa mga panahong wala sya sa lugar na iyon.

     Marahil ay marami na ang nakakikila kay Nanang at nakikita ang kanyang kalagayan katulad ng pagkakakilala ko sa kanya. Marahil ay marami na rin ang nakapaghulog ng maliit na halaga at maramdaman ang malaking pasasalamat ni Nanang. Pero nakakalungkot kung minsan na makita na hindi inaabot ni Nanang sa ilan ang kanyang lalagyanan, para bang napapagod din ang kanyang mga braso sa pagtaas ng baryahan, tila napapagal ang kanyang mga kamay at nawawalan ng lakas upang ilahad ang kanyang baryahan sa lahat.

     Mapalad tayo sa ating buhay na mayroon tayo sa mga panahong ito, mapalad ako na hindi ko naranasan ang maupo sa gilid ng simbahan hawak ang basyo ng "slurpee" at maupo ng ilang oras. Sana sa susunod na pagdaan ko doon ay hindi ko na madatnan si Nanang, hindi dahil hindi nya kaya ang kanyang katawan sa kabila ng kanyang kalagayan kundi dahil hindi na nya kailangang maupo pa doon, hindi na nya kailangan ang basyo ng "slurpee" at hindi na nya kailangang maghintay sa walang katiyakan.. Sana balang araw makita ko si Nanang na lumalabas sa  pintuan ng simbahan na nakangiti at nasa maayos ng kalagayan.

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